What is sexual consent?

Long absent from the cinema or theater, the consent is more relevant than ever in France. This primordial notion at the heart of intimate relationships has only been central to discussions since the 1980s. However, in the context of sexuality, whether it is  libertine meeting , flirting or couple life, consent is one of the basic principles. In addition to respecting the body, it requires partners to respect the other's decision , at all times, regardless of the circumstances or situation.

The notion of sexual consent

If sexual consent is regulated by specific laws or by a special code in certain countries, it is a political, legal and social issue (almost) everywhere in the world. The questions of rights, psychologies and sociologies raised around consent lead to different analyses.

To consent is to agree . The concept of free and informed consent is crucial in many areas, particularly in intimate relationships. Consent must be clear at all times, whether expressed by words or gestures. Likewise, it is revocable at any time . As soon as the refusal is expressed, the partner, whether you are in a relationship or not, must cease all sexual activity, otherwise he or she will commit sexual assault.

Consent is not just about penetration

THE sexual consent does not only concern penetration, but all activities that relate to intimacy. A stolen kiss, an unwanted caress, or unwanted physical proximity can be considered assault, violence or sexual harassment. In the same way, a woman or a man can accept a kiss and refuse to go further, accept a  couple sex game and change your mind, enjoy and a few minutes later, want to stop, go to a libertine club, excite the participants a little and finally decide not to collaborate in sexual games, intimate or collective. Sex and its activities must always arise from a mutual consent .

Similarly, sending messages of a sexual nature – such as photos or videos of one's genitals, or messages of an explicit nature, can give pleasure and increase the  sexual desire . However, if they are not consented to, they are considered by law as sexual harassment . These photos (“nudes” or “dick pics”) and these messages (“sexts”) must not be imposed; it is necessary to request prior consent before sending them. Information that is often ignored and yet essential.

Consent must be free and informed

To consent, women, like men, must be fully capable of their functions in order to be able to communicate their expectations, their limits and their desires. If a person is asleep, unconscious or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they do not consent, because their choice is neither free nor informed.

The four pillars of consent

1/ Consent is informed : partners must inform themselves about sexual practices, if a person voluntarily omits or conceals an act (for example, removing the condom between two  sexual positions ). This practice, known as stealthing, constitutes a serious violation of consent.

2/ Consent is specific : it applies to certain acts, but not to all. It is important to respect limits and ask for consent, before performing a sexual act, touching a  erogenous zone or another.

3/ Consent is reversible : it can be withdrawn at any time, you can consent to sexual relations one day and not want to practice these relations the next day.

4/ Consent is enthusiastic : the relationship must be desired, the “yes” must be enthusiastic and not hesitant.

Summary of the principles of consent

• Consent is given freely, without external coercion such as manipulation, pressure, threats or fear during a sexual relationship.
• In relationships, each individual must give consent. It cannot be expressed or delegated by another person.
• A person who is asleep, unconscious, or who has consumed excessive alcohol or drugs, is not able to give clear, free and informed consent.
• It can be revocable at any time. Saying yes to certain gestures and no to others, changing your mind, consent is not linear, it can be given then withdrawn without having to explain it.

Reminder of the law regarding sexual consent

A sexual act – touching, caresses, penetrations – whether carried out with violence, coercion, threat or surprise, is prohibited by law. He is criminally sanctioned. As the government website indicates, “Constraint presupposes the existence of physical or moral pressure. The threat may involve the perpetrator announcing retaliation if the victim refuses. Surprise is used when, for example, the victim was unconscious or under the influence of alcohol. ". Also, any act of sexual penetration by violence, coercion, threat or surprise is rape, a crime according to article 222-23 to 222-26 of the Penal Code.

In France, Law 478 of April 2021 indicated that sexual acts committed on minors under the age of 15 were considered “sexual assault”, an offense punishable by seven years in prison by law and not a crime. The Constitutional Council strengthened this during the summer of 2023. From now on, to protect children, any sexual relationship between a minor under 15 years old and an adult aged at least five years older constitutes rape , a crime punishable by a prison sentence of twenty years.

In the event of non-compliance with consent, sexual violence and/or rape, the victim can file a complaint at the police station or gendarmerie brigade of their choice. No medical certificate or health document will be required to file a complaint.

How to give consent?

Give consent is done directly and verbally. In sexual relations, during an act, the discussion does not have to be long, it can be expressed by saying affirmative sentences "I want" or "we'll try", giving positive feedback "that makes me feel good" , “you can continue” or non-verbally by nodding for their partner to continue. However, this latter way of doing things can be misunderstood or ignored.

To ensure that you have the consent of your partner and not commit violence or rape, simply ask them to be interested in their needs , their body language and their mood. During sex, take stock to make sure your partner is okay with what is happening: ask them if it's okay, if they want to continue, remind them that you can stop at any time. Likewise, listen to non-verbal signals: if your partner is silent, distant, uncomfortable, stop everything and check that everything is okay, that he/she consents to this sexuality.

When did we start talking about sexual consent?

The notion of consent was slow to come to the fore. It was not until the end of the 1970s that the lack of consent was publicized by Gisèle Halimi. Following this, rights changed, a law was promulgated at the end of 1980, extending rape to all forms of penetration. In 1992, he will also be qualified in case of threat.

It took many struggles for liberation of the oppression of which women were victims so that this notion of consent finally emerged, women having until then been reduced to submission to male supervision.

The teacup analogy

The English have imagined an analogy to consent, to clarify this concept and make young people aware of sexual violence , whether they are children or adolescents, but also remind adults of it. In a short animation which has been viewed thousands of times, they imagine two friends, one of whom asks the other to drink tea. It may happen that the second is ecstatic at this proposition, or he may also hesitate. This first person can prepare a good tea, with all the love, affection and attention it deserves. But the second may ultimately decide not to drink it. It is his free choice and we cannot force consent to a tea that he ultimately does not want or no longer wants, even if he liked this activity. Pictorial facts, which highlight this notion, essential to the education of all.