8 tips to regain sexual desire

There libido is not a long quiet river. There are many factors that can influence it. Therefore, it happens that within the couple, the sexual desire pack up. If at the beginning of the relationship, sexuality was exacerbated, you wanted to jump on your partner as soon as he or she entered a room, now, today, you no longer really look at each other. Besides, you don't touch each other anymore either. Where have those exquisite hours of mutual arousal and sexual tension gone? First of all, don't panic. There libido fluctuation is completely normal, there are periods during which sexual desire is at its peak and others when it is more absent. To revive it, follow these tips and solutions.

How to regain sexual desire?

In women as in men, the sexual desire back and forth. Although we cannot do much about a medical and hormonal problem (only a medical and/or sexology professional can guide you), there are some tips that allow you to regain the desire during phases where it is completely absent.

Communicate with your partner

This is the first step to take into account: for the renewal of the sexual desire , communication is crucial. You must be able to talk freely with your partner about sexuality and the blockages you are facing. Choose a neutral setting, for example during a walk or at a café, and discuss with kindness this lack of sexual appetite in the couple. Don't blame the woman or the man, but talk about your feelings and your emotions. This can be a way to consider a new way of perceiving desire, of pleasing oneself, evoking one's fantasies, but also of breaking the abscess. If you no longer have libido , maybe your partner felt it. Conversely, if you noticed that he or she had less and less desire or that he or she was having erectile dysfunction, perhaps he or she does not dare to talk about it.

Don't put pressure on yourself

You don't want to have sex? It's ok, it doesn't matter. You would be surprised to learn how many people around you no longer want sex, who have had little or no sex for several months, or who have sexual problems or disorders. Sexual activity is unique to everyone, don't put pressure on yourself. Love and sex have nothing to do with competition or even the idea of ​​performance. Desire is not born from physical condition, but much more from feeling and relaxation. ​​

To touch oneself

When you have been living as a couple for a while, you can get used to the presence of the other person: no longer really look at them or listen to them. From then on, simple emotional gestures, such as kissing when you wake up, cuddling before sleeping, touching each other's backs or holding hands, can disappear as the relationship progresses. However, these brands are essential for maintain the intimacy of the couple . Relearn how to touch each other without focusing solely on purely sexual intimacy: give each other affection, whether through a massage, taking a shower or a bath together... Bodily contact, especially  erogenous zones , will promote intimacy and increase sexual tension. There may be a solution to this drop in female or male desire.

Don't just focus on penetration

Sometimes the sexual desire can also decrease, because repeated penetration is not suitable for everyone. The routine that would require sexual intercourse to be successful only if there is penetration is no longer relevant. Then take the time to let the desire rise. Don't get to penetration or sexual activity too quickly. Multiply the caresses, kisses, massages, bites, scratches… Focus on sensory sex . Rediscover your partner's body by paying attention to reactions and sensations. Let yourself be carried away by the intensity which gradually increases and will perhaps lead you to orgasm. But more importantly, savor the shared pleasure and this experience which could arouse the desire to repeat it.

Rethink your conversations

It's not something you thought about, yet whether you live together or not, the art of conversation can influence your desire. First of all, stop telling each other all the details of your day via messages and wait until you meet up in the evening, in an intimate setting conducive to discussion, to have things to tell each other. Thus, you will not only approach rain or shine, but will be able to spend a dinner or an evening, deepening your emotional connection . Likewise, you can spice up your life as a couple by exchanging sexts or photos... These messages must be consented to, they can then play on your libido and accentuate desire from a distance, before meeting again.

The good idea: write to your partner what you would like to do to them before a date, so that you can then put it into action once you get together.

How to reinvent your sexual relationships?

If there is no real procedure to follow regarding sexual activity and each couple defines what feels good to them, certain methods to put in place can help you to reinvent your relationships and to boost excitement . Get out of routine, try new practices, reconnect with solitary pleasures, your fantasies... Discover some ideas.

Break the routine

Your evenings and weekends don't have to be exactly the same every week. Vary the pleasures in your life as a couple! This can involve very simple activities, such as trying a new restaurant, going to see a film at the cinema or going to a show, but also more spicy . For example, you can make  couple sex games and relive your first meeting or embody one of your fantasies, but also discover a new practice, like  libertinage by going to a libertine club . Different options can spice up your daily love life, rekindle the flame and incidentally, lead to orgasm.

Invite sex toys into your relationship

While sex toys are a great way to boost your own libido , they can also invite themselves into the couple's bed, to transform the relationship. In this way, you add a breath of fresh air to your intimate ritual, while exploring new sensations. Your partner can watch you masturbate with a vibrator or clitoral stimulator. You can use it to increase pleasure during penetration, or he can use it to give you pleasure. There are a plethora of sex toys, classic, at several speeds, usable in the shower, to be controlled remotely... All you have to do is choose your favorite.

Solitary pleasure

In the same vein as the use of sex toys, solo pleasure can be part of the solutions to help you counteract the lack of excitement. Both women and men may need to do personal work to reclaim their sexuality. In this way, by (re)learning to touch yourself, to discover what causes pleasure, an orgasm, the caresses that make the difference, by rethinking your fantasies, you will have the keys in hand to guide yourself.

What are the causes of loss of libido?

Several factors can cause a temporary absence of libido : boredom in the couple, routine, work stress, social pressure, lack of physical activity, the boomerang effect of psychological monitoring, a question of hormones... The reasons for this loss of sexual desire are multiple and spare no one. One in seven men and one in three women experience it, sometimes several times during their lives. The origin of this decrease in excitement masculine or feminine can be varied.

What are the factors that can explain a loss of sexual appetite?

• Psychological, emotional or physiological disorders: many health factors can influence female or male sexual desire, there may be a traumatic event (bereavement), psychological problems (anxiety), arrival of a child…
• A problem linked to hormones: in particular taking hormonal contraception.
• Health problems: illnesses (such as depression) or taking medication prescribed by a doctor affect hormones and therefore, the libido.

Finally, the regularity of sexual relations also has an effect on desire. Indeed, just as the saying goes that “the appetite comes with eating”, if you have not had sex for a certain period of time, your body is no longer used to it. That is why, desire can fade away . To counter the decline in passion and the routine that sets in, masturbation can be an answer. Thus, the desire to make love does not really disappear and this allows you to wait until the moment when you find yourself with your partner.

Lifestyle habits influence desire

Your lifestyle will also influence your relationship to sexuality. Being well in your body and in your mind contributes to the dynamics of the couple. Certain elements, such as alcohol and tobacco, do not mix very well with sexual desires . Indeed, if legend has it that it is easier to let go after a glass of alcohol. You should know that alcohol reduces the degree of erection in men, promoting the disorder, and reduces the amplitude of vaginal contractions and lubrication in women. Men are then likely to reach their maximum level of arousal more quickly, while women have more difficulty having orgasms.

Testosterone and low libido in men

From the steroid family, testosterone is the male sex hormone. If it influences the production of sperm in the testicles, it also acts on erectile function. In addition, it has a key role in well-being and sexuality. Some men don't produce enough testosterone, which can result in low libido or impotence.

When should you consult a doctor?

When reduced libido appears to be a health problem, it is necessary to consult a doctor or sexologist. These may include male disturbances such as erectile dysfunction, problems with premature or late ejaculation, urinary infections such as urethritis in men or cystitis in women, pain in the testicle or even prostate problems... Loss of arousal can in fact be linked to a medical factor. If you notice lumps, pain or have the slightest doubt, a consultation is essential to have an answer and solutions to put in place. In the same way, decreased female desire can occur in women who suffer from vaginismus. A gynecologist will be able to offer you psychosomatic treatment sessions.

Talk to health professionals

If the decreased libido both male and female, causes suffering, it may be preferable to consult a doctor and in particular a sexologist . He will be able to advise you on exercises to do to regain your pleasure , but also guide you, according to the object which explains this fluctuation of female or male desire. In addition, speaking with a neutral professional can reassure you and remove any form of stress and pressure that you could put on your shoulders.